How NOT to Reconcile

David's family is broken. Amnon is murdered by Absalom who flees from the capital and lives in exile as a result of his vengeful act. Joab, the whiley commander coordinates a plan to get Absalom back home and sends a woman from Tekoa to trick King David into returning his son.

2 Samuel 14:2–3 (ESV) And Joab sent to Tekoa and brought from there a wise woman and said to her, “Pretend to be a mourner and put on mourning garments. Do not anoint yourself with oil, but behave like a woman who has been mourning many days for the dead. 3 Go to the king and speak thus to him.” So Joab put the words in her mouth.

Now the words Joab gives this woman contain a fake parable filled with half-truth relevance to the situation between David and Absalom intended to manipulate the King into returning his estranged son. The plan works and Absalom is restored:

2 Samuel 14:21–22 (ESV) Then the king said to Joab, “Behold now, I grant this; go, bring back the young man Absalom.” 22 And Joab fell on his face to the ground and paid homage and blessed the king. And Joab said, “Today your servant knows that I have found favor in your sight, my lord the king, in that the king has granted the request of his servant.”

The question is, why Joab does this? He will not be loyal to Absalom and in fact, kills him in the end. So what's the motive? 

Perhaps Joab hated to see David sorrowful and knew the king needed prodding in certain matters if anything was to get done. Perhaps Joab saw Absalom as the rightful heir and therefore essential to the nation's further success regardless of his own personal issues with him. Or perhaps Joab secretly planned to kill Absalom all along and wanted to set up the opportunity. 

We don't know. What we do know is that NOTHING about this reconciliation is Biblical. Absalom never comes back repentant, never shows remorse for his actions and never seeks the welfare of the nation. He's a coddled, undisciplined child who murdered his brother while his father essentially looked the other way. 

2 Samuel 14:23–24 (ESV) So Joab arose and went to Geshur and brought Absalom to Jerusalem. 24 And the king said, “Let him dwell apart in his own house; he is not to come into my presence.” So Absalom lived apart in his own house and did not come into the king’s presence.

There's nothing to like about this return of Absalom. Not only does he show zero repentance, but King David also distances himself and the child has now gone from outcast beyond Israel to relational outcast IN Israel. This situation will sow the seeds of Absalom's future rebellion and it illustrates the necessary importance of proper restoration of fallen brothers/sisters in the Lord. 

First, there must be repentance. Repentance is the change of mind that brings Godly sorrow for one's actions. Repentance in Absalom's case would have acknowledged the hurt he did both to David and the Nation. Second, there must be a confession. Confession acknowledges publically that one's actions were out of step with righteousness and deserve punishment. Confession is the key to forgiveness and cleansing with God (1 John 1:9), it also opens the door to a right relationship with others. Finally, there is forgiveness and restoration - bringing what was out of balance back to original intent. 

Because none of these elements exist in the restoration of Absalom we see another side to David's failed parenting further bring pain upon himself and the nation. 

There is a proper way back from sin God has outlined in His Word. It establishes humility and strengthens the community. Apart from this plan, we set people up for disaster. Joab may have had good intentions, but restoration without repentance and forgiveness never works. We will see how it further deepens Absalom's childish ways in the passages to come.