The Problem with Wanting to be Liked

If Solomon had a problem with women, his son Rehoboam had a problem with friends. He really needed to know they liked him. The story goes that after Solomon's death, Rehoboam is beseeched by the people who are tired of working so hard for the royal family. They need a reprieve. And they ask for it from the newly anointed king. Very oddly, he doesn't know what to do. He needs time to think.
1 Kings 12:4–5 (ESV) “Your father made our yoke heavy. Now, therefore, lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.” 5 He said to them, “Go away for three days, then come again to me.” So the people went away.

And three days go by and this is how Rehoboam responds:
1 Kings 12:12–15 (ESV) So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king said, “Come to me again the third day.” 13 And the king answered the people harshly, and forsaking the counsel that the old men had given him, 14 he spoke to them according to the counsel of the young men, saying, “My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.” 15 So the king did not listen to the people, for it was a turn of affairs brought about by the LORD that he might fulfill his word, which the LORD spoke by Ahijah the Shilonite to Jeroboam the son of Nebat.

Now, what goes down between verses 5 and 12 is that Rehoboam consults with two groups of people. First, he gets the advisement of the elders. They respond saying the king should serve the people and do right by them, thus gaining their favor...

1 Kings 12:7 (ESV) And they said to him, “If you will be a servant to this people today and serve them, and speak good words to them when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever.”

Unsatisfied with their counsel, Rehoboam finds the young men in the king's court and seeks their opinion. 

1 Kings 12:8–9 (ESV) But he abandoned the counsel that the old men gave him and took counsel with the young men who had grown up with him and stood before him. 9 And he said to them, “What do you advise that we answer this people who have said to me, ‘Lighten the yoke that your father put on us’?”

They give the opposite advice. They essentially tell the young king that this moment is the moment to prove his metal, to be the strong king he needs to be and crush the people with dictatorial authority. 

Astonishingly, Rehoboam takes the advice of his young men and scorns the advice of the elders. This is the beginning of the end for Israel's monarchy as the nation is quickly divided into two and will remain so until their captivity. 

I think it really comes down to this for Rehoboam. He did some quick calculations in his head and thought, "I am going to spend far more of my life with these young advisors than I am with these old advisors. Therefore, I will seek to gain the approval of those who say I should be strong." In the end, it completely backfires on him. 

This is the problem with wanting to be liked by our peers. Sometimes (actually many times) their opinion is the worst. They are young like us and they don't know as much as they think. We do ourselves a favor when we take their advice with a grain of salt. The difficulty lies in that temptation I mentioned for Rehoboam earlier... we have to live with these people, perhaps for a while. How can you do that with relative peace after you've scorned their advice? Perhaps the best thing you can do is NOT ask their advice in the first place! I mean, do you really need it? If so, why? Have you not heard what God has said about an issue first? If not, perhaps you should seek Him out.

The other answer is to deepen yourself in the Love of God expressed toward you in the Gospel. You have to start living from the acceptance and honor of God so that when you lose the acceptance and honor of others, you are fine. This can be done with the strength God provides. Jesus modeled this and told those who opposed Him plainly: "How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" John 5:44 (NIV). The difference between Jesus and the religious critics of His ministry was that: He knew God was with Him and that is all He needed. They needed the praise of each other, and it weakened them and cost many of them their souls. 

Let us not make the same mistake as Rehoboam, friends are great, but they are horrible masters.